September 20, 2010

Gamesugar’s Ivy the Kiwi? Contest

Filed under: News Feed — Tags: , , , , — Jamie Love @ 3:46 pm

Ivy the Kiwi? Contest
Given my recent affection for Ivy the Kiwi?, and my subsequent belief that you should all check it out, it seemed like working out some sort of giveaway / contest was in order. So here’s what we’ve got – courtesy of XSEED Games, one of you has the chance to win a Wii copy of Ivy the Kiwi?

Sounds pretty straightforward right?

So here’s the catch – all you have to do to win, is lie to us. More specifically, I’m looking for completely fake and untrue facts about Kiwis – the bird, not the fruit.

Did sailors use Kiwis to find oranges and fight off scurvy during the little discussed war of 1926? Did the United States parachute Kiwis into the Soviet Union to gather intelligence during the Cold War? You tell us!

Leave your Kiwi Factoid in the comments of this post before 12 PM EST on Sunday September 26th, 2010. Some combination of Team Sugar will pick their favorite entry and award a winner later the following day, most likely based on how ridiculous, creative, and humorous the entry is.

Good luck!


  1. The Maori people used Kiwi’s as makeshift soccer balls after the British introduced the sport to them in the mid 1700s. It remained a popular tradition amongst the natives of New Zealand up until the late 20th century when animal cruelty lobbies put an end to what they considered a savage practice.

    Comment by Damo Suzuki — September 20, 2010 @ 6:37 pm

  2. Kiwi’s are a property of matter.

    BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY (Bill bill bill bill bill bill)

    Comment by Samuel Bateman — September 20, 2010 @ 7:18 pm

  3. The word “Kiwi” is actually a short hand for the Japanese word “Kawaii” (Loveable, cute, adorable). The word is derived when the subtraction of both “A’s” and moving the second “i” to the second placement of the word.

    When someone calls anything cute, precious, adorable, etc., they are really making a relation to the Adorableness of the Kiwi bird, which happens to be one of the top 3 adorable things in the world.

    Comment by Rhythmroo — September 20, 2010 @ 7:25 pm

  4. In the late 1990’s, many wary individuals would turn to electronics powered by kiwis and other tropical fruits, as these were found by one Dr. Stiles to be an alternative power source to batteries and wall outlets. They were specifically manufactured to allow the person(s) using them to avoid the onset of Y2K and all of the troubles it brought.

    Not long before this, the legendary Chief Kiwus of legend lead a warring group of thirteen bloodthirsty men to attack the “Capitus of the World” (which, to their small and secluded tribe, was Flagstaff, Arizona) and announce that all things green or otherwise fruity be dubbed “kiwic,” a word defined by the group as “of kiwis,” which greatly honoured the tropical fruit that was also legendary of legend to their tribe.

    Comment by Jayden — September 20, 2010 @ 7:37 pm

  5. The fourteen men (even legendary Chief Kiwus of legend) were easily apprehended by the local police force, as their weapons, armor and caravans were made from the furry rinds of their worshipped fruit, and therefore were rather poor for armed combat.

    Comment by Jayden — September 20, 2010 @ 7:45 pm

  6. Shit, it said the bird, NOT the fruit. I read that backwards. =|

    Comment by Jayden — September 20, 2010 @ 7:46 pm

  7. The name Kiwi is actually a code name for project K.I.W.I. The birds in nature may look harmless and cute but as a matter of fact they are actually a genetically enhanced sub species of robot animal hybrids. Thought the 20th century in the back mountains of New Zealand a terrorist group that only goes by the name ¿Kiwi? tested these birds and their affects on the local population caused a morphing of the human genome into a primitive state that allowed for super human strength. Hence the nick name New Zealander’s go by “Kiwi”. The original purpose of project K.I.W.I was to create the worlds ultimate weapon, but this was ultimately replaced with the Metal Gear. In a scene the Kiwi’s are a pre cursor to Metal Gear and the Snatcher’s.

    Comment by 911BONEZ — September 20, 2010 @ 7:42 pm

  8. The United Nations officially released this statement: all kiwi fruit are to be re-planted into the ground to fully grow into their bird bodies.
    This is an official statement of the K.I.W.I movement

    All matured Kiwis give you the power of jackie chan upon ingestion

    Comment by Jeremy R — September 20, 2010 @ 7:54 pm

  9. Kiwis never blink.

    Comment by Keith Stack — September 20, 2010 @ 7:55 pm

  10. Contrary to popular belief, the kiwi bird is actually named in honor of the kiwi fruit. This is of course due to the birds ovular shape, brown plumage, and bright green flesh.

    Comment by sheepboy1923 — September 20, 2010 @ 9:13 pm

  11. Imagine that with an apostrophe in birds. It is much better that way.

    Comment by sheepboy1923 — September 20, 2010 @ 9:14 pm

  12. Kiwis don’t sleep, they just wait. They’re the chuck norris of birds.

    Comment by Reznik — September 20, 2010 @ 9:22 pm

  13. The Kiwi bird is actually descended from the wrathful elder god Kiwixaptupuctulion. Once Duke of the Mare Ibrium, he was forced to flee when it was found he’d been manipulating the council of 5 utilizing delicious absinthe toffee harvested from the long-lost tombs of Olympus Mons. Deposed, he and his retainers(All genetically modified clones built out of strands of his DNA) fled to the nearest habitable planet, Earth.

    Upon entering the atmosphere of our home, his ship broke apart due to a faulty thruster and he crash-landed into the place that would eventually come to be known as NEW ZEALAND. Upon impact, his body(For down to his very cells he is self-replicating and thus immortal) broke into hundreds of thousands of these quote on quote KIWI birds, which then sought to propagate themselves.

    Though they only wish to re-unite and reform their original body, the Kiwi are hampered by a lack of advanced technology. What is simple for the Elder beings of far-flung dimensions is nigh impossible on our primitive rock. Thus, utilizing their immense powers of clairvoyance, they have mapped out the path our species must take to perfect such technology. Now, feigning extinction, the Kiwi insidiously seek to guide us from the shadows. The following are examples of their meddling.

    1. It was a Kiwi bird that shot JFK, NOT Lee Harvey Oswald
    2. Walt Disney had a pet Kiwi named Jefe who drew all his cartoons AND managed his business for him.
    3. The Chernobyl disaster was caused by a Kiwi purposely flinging himself into a reactor.

    I’d continue to list the many crimes and events that have been caused by the malevolent avian forces, but my time grows short. Even as I type these facts, I hear the clicking of their talons. I shudder whenever I see a brown fuzzy shape out of the corner of my eye, for I know it is one of them, coming to silence me. I write this in hope of warning mankind of its coming DOOM.

    Comment by Ignatz Von Zwakh — September 20, 2010 @ 9:37 pm

  14. Have you ever wondered how the internet worked? How you could get information from the opposite of the world directly on your computer?

    Well, kiwis are used for information transfers. Since they are small and fast, they act like pigeons did in the old days. For example, when you want to read on GameSugar, a kiwi goes all the way to the writer’s house and bring back the articles that are then numerized (by pellicans, I’ve heard) to fit on your computers.

    The internet is not a series of tubes like some have told you: it’s a series of birds.

    Comment by gaboumafou — September 20, 2010 @ 11:35 pm

  15. Due to an overabundance of dodo birds, kiwis were bred to seek and destroy the naturally dim-witted dodos. (It is a well-known fact that kiwis are a superior race of bird and destined for greatness.) Unfortunately, the kiwis had ideas of their own and planned on world domination. Once they got rid of the dodo, they would move onto other species until they had proven to the world that they were a force to be reckoned with. What the kiwi didn’t realize was that they were actually working in reverse time! They ended up going backwards in time and ended up wiping out all of the dinosaurs! Upon arrival in the prehistoric age, with millions of thunder-lizards wiped out, the kiwi saw that there was no one else to rule over. Fortunately, a future race of kiwi came back to the past and brought the time-displaced kiwi back to the future! where they were kings and queens and starred in their own video games.

    Comment by Karniphys — September 20, 2010 @ 11:39 pm

  16. Ever wondered why there is also a kiwi fruit as well as a bird? It isn’t actually fruit at all, they are actually kiwi bird eggs! The only bird eggs without the normal hardened shell, instead having a fuzzy outside to protect predators from eating the eggs. Strangely enough instead of making a nest like normal birds, kiwis actually hang their eggs on trees, using a special type of sap. This sap, then fuses with the tree, which creates the false impression that kiwi “fruit” is fruit to begin with. Unfortunately due to this practice, there is a reason why Kiwis are only found in New Zealand, as it seems to be the only place where the eggs are kept safe in trees, where predators avoid it rather than recognize them as eggs or mistaken them for fruit. The kiwi birds have simply gone extinct everywhere else in the world due to this bizzare bird behavior…

    Comment by Shel — September 21, 2010 @ 2:17 am

  17. Kiwis actually are made of small crystals called kiwantitobes. The crystal itself is strong enough to cut the strongest material known to man. However, if the crystals are removed from a Kiwi bird then they induce a reaction much like splitting an atom.

    Comment by alwx — September 21, 2010 @ 7:15 am

  18. “What are kiwis?” Everyone knows what kiwis are! They belong to the small island among a bigger island down south called Australia.
    So you might ask me, “Why are they significant?” Well I’m going to tell you one thing that is factual, they were the brave men which brought down the penguin dominance in the world during the 19th century. Oh trust me, the penguin dominance days were dark indeed.

    Comment by Kewbie — September 21, 2010 @ 7:24 am

  19. Despite their cute appearance, Kiwis are really the root of all evil. Money? Nah. That was invented by kiwis. Power? Kiwis again, but I’ll get to that.

    Kiwis have extreme power hidden inside of them, but they cannot use that power by themselves. Instead, they lend that power to other people, giving them the power to become great rulers in their culture, but the kiwi slowly takes over their soul, causing them to become evil. That is why a leader will often start out with good intent for their country but then become cruel after they are in office. They have to get elected to do the kiwi any good. By the time this process is over, the kiwi is in complete control of the human without anyone knowing it.

    Who were some of the people who were taken over by kiwis?

    That caveman who first decided to take shells and trade them for a rock, thus inventing money.

    Most Roman emperors.

    Bill Clinton.

    Bill Gates.

    Everyone in Congress.

    Chuck Norris. He just hasn’t turned evil yet. Our predictions show he will in 2012.

    Octopi. Everyone knows they are evil.

    Ganondorf. The kiwis want the triforce.

    Bowser. He’s a big, giant turtle with spikes. He could be useful in the takeover.

    Rick Astley. Do you really need to know why?

    Why do the kiwis do this? Once the fully evil people have outlived their usefulness, they turn them into Monopoly pieces. Forget Shoe and Car! They are boring. Wouldn’t you rather use the guy who invented Facebook? Oh yes, he was kiwi’d too. How could anyone who isn’t evil invent something that wastes so many people’s time around the world? Why do the kiwis want Monopoly pieces? Kiwis love Monopoly. *shudders*

    Comment by Dodger — September 21, 2010 @ 10:30 am

  20. No Kiwi’s where harmed during the making of this game. A few got trashed on Listerine, and one fell down an elevator shaft but that was due to his own carelessness so it doesn’t count.

    Comment by Hondo — September 21, 2010 @ 3:19 pm

  21. Beak the Kiwi was one of the first Beanie Buddies, a line of large beanbag animals based on their smaller Beanie Baby counterparts. I happen to own both.

    Comment by Kyattsuai — September 22, 2010 @ 7:16 pm

  22. Kiwis (the birds) poke their beaks into kiwis (the fruit) to pick out seeds, which they then eat and feed to their young.

    Occasionally , kiwis (the birds) mistake kiwis (also the birds) for kiwis (the tasty fruit).

    When this happens, the kiwi that was poked often becomes frightened and climbs up vines to avoid what it interprets to be a predator.

    The implementation of this natural survival instinct in Ivy the Kiwi? is a coincidence.

    Comment by Hedgehog or Kiwi? — September 23, 2010 @ 12:35 pm

  23. Kiwi’s are the natural predator of the kangaroo and once inhabited large regions of Australia during the early 18th century. The government called for a public vote to decide if the Kiwi should be named the official mascot or if Kangaroos, then an endagered species loved by all, should be given the honor. In the end it came down to a 2 vote lead for Kangaroos and thus Kiwis were banned from the island to allow Kangaroos to live in peace and harmony. When deciding on how to contain the Kiwis they realized the best way to keep them at bay was to send them all to New Zealand because Kiwis can’t fly and there was no way they could make their way back. Since not much was happening in New Zealand they shrugged their shoulders, named the Kiwi as their national symbol and waitd for centuries until these birds to finally reveal their purpose in life: to call upon ages past and bring back the golden age of Middle-Earth to the golden New Zealand hills. That and a couple million dollars.

    Comment by EdEN — September 25, 2010 @ 3:00 pm

  24. Revered along the moist banks of South America, the Amazonian Kiwi is more than well known amongst native children for their incredible, inflatable appendixes. What once seemed to be no more than a vestigial organ has, for nearly 6 thousand years (to this exact date, even!), served as water-wings, nurturing and preparing small Amazonian children for their arduous, yet noble, lives as nomadic differences. Recent studies have shown that the genuine Amazonian Kiwi has actually (through the process of meticulously tedious microevolution) developed a larger appendix, making it not only much more reliable than previous Amazonian Kiwi appendixes (longer lasting, greater mass, and incredible durability to the average Red-Bellied Piranha bite [3.3” for those of you curious of the mouth-span]), but (and probably most importantly) much more stylish as well; as years have progressed, the appendixes have adapted and evolved into stream-lined utensils, de rigueur for Amazonian transport. According to ancient tradition, as time would progress, the Kiwi’s love for the Amazonian children would grow and grow, and with their love, their appendixes would grow as well. The Amazonian Kiwi truly is a humble creature–one will knowingly lay down its life (should the occasion arise), knowing that, ultimately, it will serve a greater purpose in the world as a floatation device, rather than live the remainder of its life off the fat of the land. Artifacts discovered in a small excavation site on the northeastern shores of Brazil during the late 18th century suggest that a single Amazonian Kiwi could evolve to produce an appendix as seaworthy as a 13′ Catalina Sailboat as early as March, 2110. But, for now, the raft- appendixes are more than adequate for the small children of the Amazon, still ignorant to lives apart from the sacrifices of the Amazonian Kiwi.

    Comment by Zachaeus — September 25, 2010 @ 5:07 pm

  25. Oh fooey. A typo!

    raft-like appendixes*

    Comment by Zachaeus — September 25, 2010 @ 5:09 pm

  26. The Kiwi was originally a bright species that originated in South Africa, but after eating a field of magic mushrooms, they started to hallucinate that they were always running on vines and that they couldn’t stop running

    Comment by Burgerz — September 25, 2010 @ 8:50 pm

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